


So... how was work?

by Ace_of_hearts301



Series: Saiouma phantom thief au because I am a slut for this shit [1]
Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Because they are married helen, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Established Relationship, Fluff, Guns, Hints At Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Light Angst, M/M, Phantom Theif AU, Phantom Thief Oma Kokichi, Shuichi Saihara is sick of his husbands shit, this is basically the one time Shuichi shot his husband and the four times he brought it up again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:42:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27823198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ace_of_hearts301/pseuds/Ace_of_hearts301
Summary: It was supposed to be a simple case, but after an unauthorized gunshot the entire place turned into a battle field. All the police that had guns were firing and all the members of the opposing criminal organization were firing for non lethal areas, more warning shots than anything. All was going well until Saihara got a shot on their leader."Oh god," he thought to himself. "I'm never going to hear the end of this."
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Series: Saiouma phantom thief au because I am a slut for this shit [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2060013
Comments: 1
Kudos: 157





	So... how was work?

**Author's Note:**

> Do y'all remember that post about a "terrible rom-con idea" where a police officer and a mafia boss are married and they have to avoid letting anyone know and then the police officer accidentally shoots the mafia boss.... yeah

Shuichi was calm. Considering how his day at work had been and what he knew was coming for him he was calm. A cup of coffee in hand with the coffee maker still warm for the other resident in the household. A fluffy black and white cat laid on his lap and he gently pet her fur.

His day at work started off normally enough, the usual attempts at catching the famous phantom thief and his gang. Some banter was exchanged and things were kept calm, that is until a rookie accidentally fired at the group and an all out guns show broke out. The police fired with more ambition while the group known as DICE did a bit more friendly fire, aiming more at the barriers set up than actual police. Things were going well, no casualties and very minor injuries. Then Shuichi saw the head of DICE go down with one of his shots. He froze, watching as the masked assailant fell down with a yelp and one of his goons called out to him and walked over to help. 

‘Oh god,’ He thought to himself, closing his eyes with a grimace. ‘I am never going to hear the end of this.’ He watched as the opposition got up to get their injured leader out of there and Shuichi took the long way home.

His finger clinked with his ring against the porcelain of his cup as he tapped. He did expect the other to be a bit late all things considered but by now it was getting a bit concerning. He let out a breath when he heard the door unlock and subsequently slam open. 

“Welcome home love. How was work today?” He called as his husband took off his shoes in the other room. Heavy footsteps ran into the dining room where Shuichi sat.

“YOU FUCKING SHOT ME, THAT’S HOW MY DAY AT WORK WAS!” Kokichi looked disheveled, purple hair flying around his head in an even more chaotic look than usual, and his eyes burned with an anger he could not seem to hide behind a lie. Shuichi gave a small laugh.

“Sounds like you had a lovely time.” Kokichi could never stay mad at his husband, after all, an accidental shooting is just to be expected at this point. So he shot Shuichi a grin and laughed.

“Oh yeah, Linda was being so nice. She brought brownies to the company bake sale. Of course they were store bought but that’s about all you can expect from her.”

“Typical Linda.” The detective let out a breathy laugh.

“Oh, but it gets so much better!” Kokichi squealed while clapping his hands. “Because apparently Janice is pregnant and she offered us invitations to the baby shower. But you know that Checkers is the only baby I want in my life so I was all like ‘Ey, fuck off Janice I ain’t going to no fucking baby shower.” Shuichi nearly burst a gut out of his laughter, Kokichi nearly laughed that hard but let out a small squeak as his shoulder let out a sting of pain. They cut off the funny mood so Shuichi could make sure he was going to be okay.

“Hey, you sure you’re okay?” He slowly got up to pull the other man to the table setting him down in a chair. 

“Eh, I’m sure I’ll be fine. I just left out the best part of today, some asshole broke in and shot me.” Shuichi sighed, pausing from taking Kokichi’s shirt off, and gave a light slap to his husband's arm, the one not currently injured. “But seriously, Hanako handled it. She’s getting better at that sort of stuff. I think those first aid classes you’ve been giving her have helped.” It was true, the youngest member of DICE had done a good job. The bullet hole was stitched up and the bandages didn’t even soak through. 

“Was Michiya there to help?”

“Oh, yeah. He did the stitches and took out the bullet but besides that Hanako did it all. I’m proud of her.” Kokichi was rather fond of the young girl, even considering her to be a little sister. She was barely sent out on missions with her, the rest of DICE deeming her too young to go out into danger like that. 

“Good, I’m happy for her.”

“Yeah, maybe this is a good thing. Y’know, you, shooting me.” Kokichi smiled as his husband furiously blushed. 

“Are you ever going to let this go.” He asked, even though he knew the answer.

**. . .**

The next time Kokichi brought the incident up was the next time he got hurt during a job. It was a fairly small injury, nothing too much to worry about. Who would have thought jumping through a window would break the glass and cause you to get a few cuts? Kokichi didn't account for that. 

Shuichi had to pluck the small shards from his husband's own hands while he clutched a pillow to staunch the pain.

“You know this whole fiasco could have been avoided if you had just entered the room like a normal person.” He sighed out, placing another of the small shards onto the table to be cleaned later. Kokichi snickered. 

“Awww~ But that takes the fun out of it!” He grimaced at a particularly deep cut and Shuichi silently apologised. “After all, it doesn’t hurt that much. It’s not like my beloved shot me or anything!” Shuichi placed the tweezers down to place his face in his hands instead. 

“You’re really never going to let that go, are you?” 

“Well you were kinda the one to shoot me Shushu~!” Shuichi took his time to recover before going back to work. “I kept the bullet if you still want it.” He let out a loud groan and nearly slammed his face against the table out of his annoyance.

**. . .**

The third time Kokichi brought it up was in the middle of an arrest. Not exactly the best time to wildly embarrass your husband. 

By this point in their relationship Shuichi had already gotten used to any stupid sexual remarks Kokichi would make while getting put into cuffs. He was far from the blushing highschooler that he once was, first putting Kokichi into a cop car.

He was about halfway done, Kokichi bent over the front of the police car laughing as Shuichi read him his rights. 

“What are you gonna do, shoot me again?” Shuichi sighed as the other police officers around him looked. This caused him to only sigh deeper. 

“One time.” He whispered into his husband's ear. “It was one fucking time, can we please just let this go?” He was blushing, much like that first time. Kokichi laughed as he pointed this out to him. 

“Aww~ C’mon Shumai! You’re no fun, can’t I tease my beloved just a little?” Shuichi pushed his head down as he climbed into the back of the cop car. 

“No, now I’m going to be giving a report so don’t go anywhere.” He faked an annoyed look as he winked. Kokichi always seemed to find his way out of these sorts of situations. The police could never figure it out. He took a breather outside the door with his head in his hands. 

You shoot your husband one time and this is what happens! He pushed himself off and approached his uncle to talk over the case so far. Another catch of the phantom thief and yet another escape to happen. He watched the car out of the corner of his eye as Mizuki and her brown pigtails bounded towards the car. He started to count. Three minutes. That’s how long the two would need. He tuned out his uncle as he focused on the car. One minute and Kokichi was out of the locked car, he had already gotten out of his handcuffs, possibly before he was even in the car, and the two were running across the street quietly. He stopped watching once the two made it to the fire escape on the building across the street. 

“The phantom thief!” He yelled out, almost scaring his uncle out of his skin until the older man looked to the car. “He’s gone!” The rest of the team with him looked to the car and immediately started to scramble around. Shuichi had to hold back from laughing. Kokichi was right, it was rather amusing watching them chase their own tails. 

“Nice try Mr. Detective!” He looked up to the building. His gun was quickly placed in his hand. “But you’re a bit too late.” This was a dance they had done many, _many_ times before. Kokichi never seemed to get tired from it though. He always had something new to tease Shuichi about making him a blushing mess. Now he had some real ammunition.

“Come now King,” a code name Shuichi thought was dumb but Kokichi seemed to love. “You can come down now and maybe I’ll let you off easy.” He slowly raised his gun, not in a threatening manner, just enough to bring no suspicion. 

“Aw, what are you gonna do? Shoot me again?” He groaned so loudly that Kokichi could clearly hear him from across the street and he cackled as he jumped down and ran. 

“What was that about.” His boss, Kyoko, questioned him as she approached. 

“You shoot your husband one time and he never seems to let it go.” Kyoko and his uncle, the only two people who knew of his relationship status on the force, and here she was laughing openly in his face about it. “It’s not that funny.” He muttered which only made her laugh harder.

**. . .**

The fourth time Kokichi brought it up was in… less than optimal conditions. 

The threat of kidnapping was constantly present in his line of work as well as his marriage to the leader of DICE, he just wished it didn’t happen under these conditions. 

He had been walking Hanako home from a long day at school and she seemed tired so to take her home a bit quicker he chose to take a small shortcut to get outside town. He was asking her general questions, mostly on how school had been and if the middle schooler had made any friends yet. She gave simple answers, which was usual for her. The part of town they were in seemed sketchy so he stuck to main streets rather than alleyways. Even with his precautions and the gun in his coat pocket a small gang was able to get the jump on him by targeting the thirteen year old standing next to him. 

The only warning he was given was a slight yelp when she was initially grabbed.

He knew he had no time to think as they had enough confidence in their success to not go for him first. He grabbed for his gun first but when a man nearby kicked it out of his hand he knew this would not end pretty. While he was rather well versed in hand to hand combat he still wasn’t the greatest. Still if he wanted a better chance at survival he would have to at least try. He could see them trying to drag Hanako towards a nearby car, this he couldn’t stand for. He could see how hard the poor girl was struggling. Some sort of need to protect her kicked in as he shoved away the men that were holding his arms.

By the time those two went down with a swift kick to the knee another three took their place, like a hydra’s head they kept coming at him and every time it got harder to knock them down. Fists were exchanged and he got a bit more than a little roughed up. Bruises and a bloody nose, but that was the worst of it for him. He was, essentially, fucking over the other side of the fight. That is until a particularly surprising blow to the back of his head knocked him down. Being on the ground is the worst position to be in during a fight, but by the time he was able to himself up again onto his forearms a solid blow to the stomach kept him down as he curled in on himself. 

Someone was able to tie his wrists together and he was thrown into the back of the van with the crying Hanako. He wasn’t scared though as he saw that she still had her school bag with her. Kokichi had put a tracker in it once she had joined the team, a precaution if something like this happened. 

“Hey,” she looked up at him with tear stained eyes. “You okay?” She smiled through her tears at him.

“I could ask you the same thing, hell they fucked you up good Shu.” He nudged her gently. 

“Hey, language.” She smiled, huddling into his side more. “We’re going to be fine, Kokichi will come for us soon.” He whispered to her, glancing up to the fellow passengers who just so happened to kidnap the two. 

After a quick deduction and whispered words of DICE he deduced that this was some rival gang Kokichi might have stolen from in the past, and that the two would be used for ransom as they were seen as Kokichi’s most valued people. 

The house they stopped at was run down right on the border of the city. Surprisingly close to the DICE home base. This seemed almost too easy, Kokichi would even find it extremely amusing. 

The two of them were thrown into a windowless room and forced to wait in the dark for something to happen. Hanako had calmed down quite a bit considering the circumstances they were currently in and Shuichi was calculating when Kokchi would get here and planning a backup in case he never made it. 

It was around the time gunshot rang out into the early night that he knew his husband had come for him. He tried once more to get out of his bonds but that only resulted in them getting rubbed raw. The sounds of shouting and loud footsteps approaching the room the two were held in scared Hanako back to Shuichi’s side. 

When the door slammed open Shuichi smiled at the sight of his husband. 

“Hello love, sorry I’m a bit late.” Kokchi said as he walked towards the two. Planting a kiss on both of their foreheads when he was in front of the two. Hananko let out a fake gag at the displays of affection. “Those bastards put up a good fight, huh? I was almost as worried as that time you shot me,” Shuichi slapped the back of his head playfully though Kokichi had to be a drama queen about it and started whining.

“That’s what you get for bringing it up again.”

“Do you see how he treats me Hanako-chan? So rude, to think I married you for this?” Hanako sighed for Shuichi. He had to admit, however, that Kokchi did know how to lighten the mood.

“Yeah, sure thing boss.” 

Michiya walked in surveying the scene for a moment before he spoke.

“Boss, the gang went down and surrendered and the police are on their way.”

“Alright, take Hanako out of here, I got Shumai.” The taller man quickly grabbed Hanako, carrying her even though she was unsathed. 

Kokichi let his smile drop as soon as Michiya left, turning to Shuichi and glancing down at his tied hands. No sexual remark about how ‘Shuichi was into that kinky shit’ as Kokichi would say, just a look of apathy the other man often got when his loved ones were hurt. 

“Are you injured anywhere else? Anything broken?” He asked as he slowly untied the ropes revealing the blood underneath. 

“No, nothing broken, at least I don’t think. They got me pretty good there, didn’t they?” He rubbed his wrists before moving onto his cheek where he certainly got a few small cuts seeing as he thought using his face to break his fall was a good idea. Kokichi heaved a sigh of relief before finally collapsing into his husband’s arms. 

“Seriously, don’t scare me like that, I thought you died.” He muttered into Shuichi’s chest. 

“...I’m sorry, but I wanted to make sure they didn’t hurt Hanako, if I could do it again I would still take as many hits for her as I need.” He said softly into his husband’s hair. 

“...And I would let you shoot me again if it meant keeping her safe.” Shuichi groaned. Kokichi would be fine, and he would too.

**. . .**

There was one last time Kokichi had brought up the fact that he had been shot. And, well… let’s just say it wasn’t pretty. Having nearly an entire building fall on top of you will do that. 

It was all set up to be a regular heist, only this time there was the threat of a bomb going off on them. Of course, as that bastard Murphy put it, anything that can go wrong will. They were just getting out the back door when it went off. 

“Shuichi!” Kokichi screamed as he shoved the other man out of the way to the safety of the ground, he landed hard on his hands and rolled a few feet but was mostly unscathed. The same could not be said about Kokichi.

“No, no no no!” He was stuck under a sizable chunk of debris, a large cut on his forehead poured blood obscuring his vision. The added dust did nothing to help.

“Shuichi?!” He screamed through the dust blocking his airways. His voice was already hoarse. There was no response. Kokichi began to panic. Stuck under a heavy rock and no beloved in sight to help him. 

“I’m here!” He heard a response. Oh thank god. Shuichi was on his way.

“Kichi!” The detective came into his view and he heaved a sigh of relief. “Hang on, I’ll have to get all this off you. The rest of DICE are coming but it may take a while.” He started on the smaller rocks leaving Kokichi stranded until he could lift the bigger problem away. 

Kokichi pushed away what he could, but most was left to the battered detective. Both of them were bleeding in varying degrees of concern, the most was directed towards the large gash in Kokichi’s forehead that likely would be needing stitches afterwards. By the time the two were able to dislodge the leader they were out of breath and Shuichi’s palms were rubbed raw and bleeding. Stupid assphalt and rocks. 

“Sty down, we don’t know the extent of your injuries.” Kokichi pouted like a child would, lip stuck out and all.

“But Shumai, I want to cuddle~!” It may have been the definite concussion he had or just his regular old personality but Kokichi was being especially affectionate as of current events.

“Idiot.” Shuichi mumbled resting a hand on his husband’s shoulder to keep him down lest he try to get up. 

“Aww~ C’mon love…” He trailed off thinking of a way to get under Shuichi’s skin. “It’s almost like you shot me again, just worse cause now you won’t even comfort me.”

Shuichi glanced down at Kokichi with a blank expression. 

“...Kokichi I want a divorce.” He said in a heavy monotone voice. He was joking of course but that did not stop Kokichi’s crocodile tears from flowing down in heavy waterfalls. 

In the end they were found by DICE leaning up against a sturdy piece of rubble with Kokichi nearly drifting off, his head resting on his beloved's shoulder. And yes, they did take pictures as blackmail against their leader for later.


End file.
